Dying to Start Again
by Kittyinaz
Summary: The Source of Evil finally finds someone who accepts him as he is, and he will do everything to protect her.
1. Prologue: The Bridge I Would Burn

This is a new one that has been hinted at on my site and teased in my Facebook Group. Somehow it slipped that you guys didn't get this, and as a "I'm Sorry" I will give the first chapter as well...

 **Pre-Edit Count – 1,262 Words**

 _Song I listened to for this chapter: Dying to Start Again_ by Lovelife

* * *

Forest Forks, WA

In a forest far from the busy streets of San Francisco, a shadow is watching a painful scene. One that makes him, one of the worst demons, shake his head at how cruel and heartless this breakup is.

His own heart is hurting for the woman who just collapsed from the pain of such a painful breakup. The half demon shakes his head, the dark-haired man is ready to step forward and slap this imbecile. He has been called a monster, and he knows from a look into the Cold One's soul, that he believes himself a monster. He is a monster, but not for the reason he is telling himself. No, it is for the cruelty the witness is seeing right now.

How dare he leave a woman who loves him to that level? Does he not understand that this kind of love is rare? Cole himself wanted that kind love. All living creatures want such a giving and selfless love, and those like himself and the boy in front of him rarely find it. Moreover, this idiot has just torn the heart out of an innocent, one of the true.

Cole, too, had had a chance at that same kind of love. Instead of treasuring it, he had destroyed the woman he loved and ended up leaving to help her out. He left them, thinking that he had been destroyed, but he never would allow it since any other demon who took over would not leave them alone. He has spent the time away from the Charmed Ones watching over others. He may be a half demon, but he is determined to change himself.

He wants to prove that he can be more than just the Source of Evil, or even be more than just Balthazar, that he can control the Evil part and have it coexist with the other parts of himself: The human, the demon and the Source of all Evil.

While wandering, he had come across Bella when she had run from the tracker all the way to Phoenix. He had been passing through when he heard the cries of a woman, and when he looked into the building, even he had been horrified to see a vampire attacking the woman and essentially playing with her. Vampires are also named Cold Ones, not just for the skin temperature, but for the cold-heartedness they seem to acquire.

He had been ready to go to her side, but instead the young vampire who claimed to love her came in and through a series of happenings, he saved her. Nevertheless, it was not without seeming to subject her to more pain.

However, something had pulled Cole to this woman. Still does to this day, in fact. She may be a girl to everyone else, but when someone loves that deeply, there is nothing young about it. This is a woman before her time. Therefore, Cole has kept an eye on her and had gotten angry with her a couple of times when the family had run roughshod over her feelings. How could such a strong woman as he had found her to be, allow them to take away all her choices?

So many times he had wanted to come through and save her, but he didn't. He didn't want to take over her life like they had. It does nothing for her. Cole has relearned patience. Slowly and painfully. Every part of him called for this woman to be his, and he resisted.

Then came her birthday party. That horrible party that he swears was only to make this happen. The blond vampire had not attacked her. That was clear to him, and he hopes to Isabella. However, this had been far from what he thought was to happen. Leaving her? And in this forest? The same forest he had heard the idiot boy tell her was unsafe? Did he want her to die?

Torn about what to do, Cole watches as she falls apart. When he can't take it anymore, he forms a more stable form in order to protect her. He senses another, and he spreads his influence to push them away, knowing that they are not all human. Nothing will bother his charge until she is ready for it. With the vampires gone, she will be open to others hunting her, hurting her.

Once you are touched by the supernatural, there is no way to be free of it. Something will fill the void left behind by them.

When she is shivering, he sighs and comes through all the way, laying his jacket on her. He crouches before her and moves a strand of hair away from her face. He hears her murmur, "He left me." He sighs. He remembers the pain of leaving the woman he thought he loved. He is finding out that he must not have loved her enough.

With that in mind, he answers her softly, gently. "Yes, he did. But he didn't deserve you. If he had, he wouldn't have left. Not this easily." It had taken much for him to leave. Much more than a simple mistake. Nevertheless, he had left.

She starts crying again, and he picks her up and moves to a stump. Wrapping his coat more carefully around her, he allows part of his demon side through to keep her warm.

Holding her, he waits for her to calm, giving her the time he knows she needs as he protects her.

* * *

The following morning Cole feels his slight burden move. He had found a better spot later when it seemed that she was going to take longer than he thought to pull herself together. He had started a fire with his abilities and made sure to keep others from finding them. Not as hard as it would be, if he were not as powerful as he is. And he had spent the night thinking of what he needs and wants to do with this woman in his arms.

There had been one vampire who had tried to get to her a couple of times through the night, then run off. Cole had no idea who it had been, his charge was much more important than trying to figure that out. But the last time he had called for one of his demons to track them, telling them that he will be checking in later.

He turns different options over in his head, Cole didn't want to take her home since her father would have plenty of questions. And his current alias, Cole Turner, would have caused some issues.

He didn't want the Charmed Ones to know he is still around. They had tried too hard to kill him. Moreover, as he has been guarding this one, that well, he has finally been able to lay Phoebe to rest. It is one of the reasons he knows he didn't love her enough. Another project shouldn't have allowed him to put aside the love of his life.

He looks down at her again when she moves, and when she tries to sit up he lets her. He leans both elbows on his legs and watches her.

Bella looks around, and then she looks behind her to the man who had held her last night. She asks hesitantly, "Who are you?" She had never met him before, but she can't shake the feeling that she _knows_ him.

Cole looks at her and answers honestly. "I am known as Cole Turner. I have another name, a couple actually. But to be blunt, I don't think you want to know too much about me do you?" He lifts an eyebrow to her in question and hopes she takes the hint. He has much to do, now that he has found his direction again. But he will not lie to her.

Looking up at him, Bella takes in the blue eyes, knowing that he is not a vampire. However, she cannot help but want to know, "Why not?" The same curiosity that led to her relationship with Edward is alive and working overtime.

He chuckles. "Sweetheart, if after you get home and feel better, you want to know more, I will tell you. However, you cannot fall apart because of that selfish brat. He doesn't deserve your love if he would leave you so easily. Believe me, I had that type of love, and I did much I am not proud of to keep it." His voice is lower in tone, but it also shows how sincere he feels about the matter.

She swallows, tears dripping down her face. "Was it easy for you to turn off your feelings?" She is hoping he has a way, but she fears there is no help for her to get through this.

Hesitating, not wanting to answer without totally thinking about it, Cole explains to her slowly. "No. Not until I found you. I needed something that kept my attention on it, not dwelling on it. She had gone so far as to kill me, and I decided at that point that I needed to leave. I wandered for such a long time, and when I came upon you in Phoenix, you drove me out of my half existence. You made me want to start again, to live. But the time wasn't right then. Now is the time." The words register with him, and he realizes what he needs to do. And he finds that he really is ready to start again.

He stands up and towering over the slight woman, he informs her, "Now is the time that I can move on. And I will. I thank you for that opportunity. Now you need to learn the same thing. So focus on school, on your dad, on everything around you. Graduate, make something of yourself. Show him that you don't need him." And that will give her the time she needs. Not that he will leave her alone, no. But he will be getting ready for her.

Bella looks up at him, "And you? Will you be here?" Her eyes fill with a slight light, hope entering them.

He smiles gently and touches her cheek lightly with his hand as he informs her, "No. You would replace him with me, and that is not fair to either of us. I will come by and check on you, but you will never know it. Sometime down the road, I will come back for you. You will sit with me and tell me how you moved on. I will have others check on you as well."

He pauses then his eyes grow more intense as he asks, "Promise me, Isabella. Promise that you will take this chance and work on showing that you are better than he thinks. Latch on to opportunities, and think of yourself first. Be selfish. I know you won't go too far, as it seems people often do when given this freedom, but you do need to think of yourself a little more. And no worries. You are loveable. Will you promise me?" He watches her carefully for her answer.

When she nods, he smiles and kisses her on her forehead, giving her his mark of protection for any who can see it. There might be a few that would fight her because of it. However, he is still a demon whom not many will cross. It is the best way he can think of to protect her. As he takes his reign up again, there will be even fewer who will challenge him. This will take up a lot of his time. However, it will be well worth it when he is done.

With her agreement and his plans in his head, he waves his hand, fixing the area. When she looks at him with wide eyes, he grins. "It will all make sense later. You worry about yourself first. I will come back for you and will explain all of this to you. I promise, as long as you are past him. Deal?"

When she nods, he takes her and moves them to the forest edge. He pushes her slightly out of it, "Go."

She looks back and sees him fade before her eyes until he is gone. She swallows and makes her way back to her life. With the will to learn to stand on her own like he wanted.

* * *

 **Final count: 2,096**

 **Fairfarren~Kittyinaz**


	2. Chapter 1 Outside Looking In

**And here is the last chapter I post on Fanfiction.**

 **Pre Edit Count – 1,688 Words**

 _Song I listened to for this chapter: Tyrant_ by OneRepublic

* * *

 _Previously:_

 _She looks back and sees him fade before her eyes until he is gone. She swallows and makes her way back to her life. With the will to learn to stand on her own like he wanted._

 _Now:_

* * *

The weeks pass, and while Bella thinks that Cole has left her, he is there watching as he has been the whole time. The more time passes, the more he is pulled towards her. And the more determined he is to make sure his rule is solidified before he goes to her. He promised her that they would see each other after her graduation. The time he gives Bella may feel long to her, but in the general scheme of things it is not long at all.

To begin with, and to test himself, he gives her a couple of weeks to get over Edward, knowing personally how hard it is when someone leaves you. He had spent more than a year's worth of months wandering. The only thing he had paid any attention to was to the Underworld.

Cole had known that the alternative was to allow the Source itself to gain a new host, one who might not be able to hold back the evil demon. In the end, it was the his human side which actually tempered the demon. And then, only over a long span of time has Cole gained the power he has over his own body. There is much to be said for being half-demon, as he is. He had to learn how to control himself more than the others. To find the demon side and let it loose, where the others never had an issue.

The ability to not think through things is something he had detested about the so-called good forces. They were willing to kill him, freeing the Source to find another host, one which could be worse than he might be. Cole freely admits that he has made mistakes, but he at least tried. He tried with everything he had, especially the love he had for Phoebe, and they cast him out for it.

How did they think it was going to happen? That they would keep casting out the Source and it would eventually give up? Instead, if the host is killed it will become worse since the Source will then take on a new Host, and that host's soul will be cast aside, making no change to the plans.

He was different. But then, he always had been. It is shocking how much a human soul, even a half breed like him, counted in a battle of souls against the Source.

The whole shortsightedness of the forces of good is something that made him look twice at Bella. She knew what evil was and still welcomed what the Cullens are. She didn't care about evil and good when she loved. Moreover, Cole yearned for that for himself. He admired how she escaped the seer and the empath; to do what she thought was right. She fought for it. Much like he had. She did everything for love, and even now it governs her actions.

After the events in Phoenix he had followed her home, not happy with how the so-called mate had refused to turn her, even when it was obvious to even him, a newcomer, that she wanted to be with Edward. The fact that he had refused her hit something inside of Cole. The human part of him understood her pain, and it had him watching over her. However, there was the other side of him which had covertly encouraged this as well.

He learned that for love, Bella was willing to do many things. His minions had brought him information on her, and he had raged that day. If nothing else, that day had made his patronage of her absolute. No one would harm her, not after seeing how her own mother had failed her, as well as her father. He would see to it. Charlie had failed her to a lesser extent, but he was still guilty of leaving his daughter to deal with things he should have been dealing with. Who leaves a teenager alone for weekends?!

He thought it impossible but things only got worse after her return from Phoenix. The evil duo had made her go to Prom when she wanted nothing to do with it, the male refused to turn her yet again, and the knowledge that there was someone after his Bella made Cole leave only so he could set down rebellions.

He became in every sense the real ruler of the Underworld. Demons cowered under his rule, none questioned him once he took the reins of his leadership. He was done with the pettiness of their actions, trying to increase their power to overtake him. Cole could not spend his time dealing with demons acting out on their own. Not when they exposed their kind and had the powers of good thinking that they were winning. No. The side of good needed to grow some common sense, and he needed to drive the urge into them using his own forces.

Once he had enforced his rule, Cole left a small pocket free. Knowing his demon's history, having that one small pocket of resistance would help him in the long run with the leaders truly under his control. They reported when there were too many discontented demons, and he swept in, cleaning up the majority of the lot. The rest, the truly loyal ones, with a few others sprinkled in, none the same as last time, running to hide elsewhere. It made his job easier, and he greatly rewarded the ones who stayed loyal to him. He didn't need his group turning against him. Fear does not control as well as true loyalty does.

In addition, he made sure that the Charmed Ones were kept busy but made it clear to his forces that if they were helping innocents they were to make as little mischief as possible. He just didn't want them in his business. He had enough going on, and he really didn't need to be bothered by them. They would be unable to keep themselves from thinking that they would be doing the greater good in ridding the universe of him. Idiots.

When he returned to Bella, it had been the beginning of the school season. He didn't like how much more subdued Bella seemed to be especially from the woman he had seen fighting in Phoenix, but he watched her. He had started thinking that she had become like a sheep somehow, until her fire resurfaced when she fought the Cullens about her birthday party. It had brought a smile to the Demon's face.

Then to see how fast it fell apart, well he would give her a couple of weeks to get over it. Past that he would be stepping in. The woman he had been watching didn't deserve the idiot, and he couldn't let her suffer too long.

However, it wasn't needed. Bella spent a week and almost another one moping, but one morning she woke up and after showering, stared at herself in the mirror. She realized that Cole had been right. Since _he_ hadn't cared enough to stay with her then _he_ wasn't **the** one. Someone will come, and who knows, maybe he already did. And that feeling inside of her seemed to agree.

She came out of her room and was so close to her old self that none really noticed the difference. Charlie appreciated the change and was just happy she was done with the asshole who had left her heartbroken the way he had.

She hasn't even suffered a cold due to Cole's taking care of her. The Friday afternoon that she came home, there was a vase of red roses waiting for her. When she smiled and took them inside, it became the first of many.

The way Bella responds to Cole's little gifts pleases him greatly. No matter what he sends her, each and every time she is thrilled, and it is never going to get old. He leaves notes and sends little things so she will remember him, wanting to let her know he is still here. Everything in him becomes more and more attached to the woman she had been and is becoming again.

He also takes it upon himself to make sure she never has to work or worry about bills ever again. In his mind she had done enough of that when she was younger, she deserves to have to never worry again. When she tries to get a job, he watches, but after the 6th time of the Newton boy hitting on her at the sports place, he decides to take steps. Not the least since he is so very tempted to take personal action against the boy.

It would have made a difference if his Bella were to reciprocate his feelings; he won't make her wait for him. He wishes for her to have fun in school. He knows that when she is done, he will work as hard as it takes to get her.

While he remains faithful to the idea of her, he will not hold her to the same level. He wants her to be happy. And while the end result is to be with him, he also knows it will be a while if he has his way. Why would he deny the woman he is coming to care more for than any other, a chance to have _any_ happiness?

However, the boy just can't accept the word 'no' when applied to him. He already has a woman who adores him, and he ignores her. To just hit on his Bella, who doesn't want it; it makes her very uncomfortable. Moreover, she has had enough of others making her life difficult. He is determined to make her life better.

Leaning back on the hood of her truck as he watches over her in the store, Cole turns the idea around in his head. He knows his Bella won't accept handouts, but he doesn't want her locked into working in this place. He sits there thinking, and then decides to be frank. He will offer his idea to her and hope that she will take the offer. He orders one of the minions to watch her, and he leaves to his offices.

From there he works through the night, and the following morning has an employment package ready for her. One that will make them both happy, and allow her to learn more of his world. He would rather give her the tools to defend herself and trust that she will let him know if she needs more than that. So he educates her whereas the Cullens left her a blank canvas. She will never be able to leave the Supernatural world now and this will help prepare her for the harsh reality of it. It will also make her safer since they will be able to communicate more directly. He will be telling her outright that he will update her computer and such which will enable them to the rest of the world knowing about it.

He outlines his reasoning for doing this and tells her frankly that he will be harming the idiot if she ends up working with him much longer. As she is reading the letter he sent her and goes through the package of job information, Bella sits there laughing her ass off. She, too has been getting tired of the idiot, as Cole named him, and his unending inability to understand when she tells him 'no'. In fact she had started to learn new languages just so she could tell him no in a different way, hoping he would understand.

Cole watches over the people he has installing the lines into her house. He is also having them install a security system, remembering clearly Prue's stalker. He doesn't want something like that to be a factor here, neither of them needs to add another worry to the list. Well, while neither her father nor Bella will ever be aware of it, he wants it there so he doesn't need to worry about it. He is one of the few who can learn from the past. It is also one of those times where being the Source helps.

With the technology there, and knowing they can talk safely, Cole and Bella communicate more. She is a researcher for him and his firm on paper. At first he gives her make work, introducing her to the world. After a while, he starts to give her real work and loves her commentary on the emails that accompany the official work. They often trade barbs as well as everyday talking through the emails.

But of course, the Supernatural world has to creep in. First comes the Wolves he had sensed that night he had watched over his Bella. It seems that even though he had driven them off before, they are now getting braver. They have no idea what they are messing with. It is really the friendship that exists between Bella and Jake that has kept them safe. Luckily the boy seems to understand the word no so Cole just has someone watch them. Their treaties do not matter to him since he is not a vampire.

Not that it would have mattered if he had been one. Bella is quickly becoming the center of his universe, and even his minions are catching on to the idea. They realize she is much better than Cole's previous love since she is not getting ideas about how to kill their master. No, instead this one jokes with him in her emails and makes him often laugh.

If he wants to keep her safe for now, who are they to doubt that? The few demons who had doubted, well they all suffered for the misconception of the Source caring about their thoughts. They are to make sure that her life is hers to lead, and that she has the ability to do whatever she desires.

There are some who note, with all that power, she does nothing with it. She has millions of dollars for her personal use, yet she drives an old truck. Bella is one who treasures emotions and above all, a sense of being true to oneself. They watch over her to make sure that she has the freedom to be that way. They may not have emotions, but their minds take note of how that can help them out. Their leader is calmer now, his hair-trigger temper only goes off if something is wrong with her.

To make it simple, if he is happy, they have a longer lifespan. So they make sure she is happy.

Part of that is making sure that others in the area are aware that they are not the only ones around. There are more dangerous types of Supernatural beings out there. Unfortunately, it seems to be a lesson which is hard to learn. Good thing they love causing mayhem and destruction. And are sly about doing it.

* * *

 **Final count: 2,557**

 **I post this on my own site, as well as others that I will make sure you will have a list each time I post a chapter.**

 **Fairfarren~**

Kittyinaz


	3. Chapter 2

The next chapter has been posted on my site.

The first site normally posted is my own, at Kittyinaz dot com.

The other places I post at under Kittyinaz are as follows: (and while I do try to update within a week, there is no guarantee though)

TWCS (The Writers Coffee Shop) often is posted within the same day as I post on my site due to a friend doing it for me.

Better in Texas (If searching for it, it is BetterinTexasFiction dot ning dot com)

A03 (An Archive of Our Own)

FictionPad

Fanfiction Affliction

Dokuga (For Inuyasha fics only)

The other sites get updated when I get time, but I figured I will tell you guys from now on when I post on my site, in case you are unable to follow it for some unknown reason.

Also, my site is the place to find out what is going on with me.

I also am on Facebook and have a group there also. They get first notifications of everything, even if it I am too sick to do anything. But they will be the ones to tell anyone if I am alive, as well as a place I encourage writers to share their updates.

(www dot facebook dot com slash groups slash 529185193800251)

This will be posted each time I have a new chapter ready.

I just can't bring myself back here to post when my stories have repeatedly been stolen. Since I removed my stories, there hasn't been as many cases since then, nor am I profiting those that copy FanFiction and they do nothing to shut down the sites.

Kittyinaz


	4. Chapter 3

There is a chapter for this story or the sequel up on my site or the other sites I post on: Archive of Our Own, FictionPad, and Better in Texas.

Thank you for all the notes, it means a lot that you support my move.

To reiterate my previous posts on this matter, there are at least five sites that scraped off of Fanfiction, and they got everything. Reviews, profiles, stories, and even PM's. Then they have mirrored Fanfiction so anything we do, add chapters, receive reviews and so on, show up on their sites. And there is very little to let others know they are on the wrong site.

Also, the other sites do have malware and other nasty surprises, as well as if you sign onto them, they now own your password.

This is just too much for me. I work hard on providing a safe and fun environment for my readers on my site. It is hard work, especially for the talented 4padfoot. But they can do all the changes we have to our site as we have to make it safe for our readers to come to the site, read and enjoy.

Their disinterest in doing so with all the other issues here have made this not a fun place to post anymore, with worrying if your work is going to be plagiarized or receive nasty comments for pouring hours into something.

For anyone wanting help on making a WordPress site, I will be more than willing to lend my talents. I am also on Facebook, and there is a support group for authors making a move to write their Fanfiction on their own sites under where they have the complete artistic license where we answer questions anyone has as well as we had put together some tutorials.

Though I will say for the SVM/TB fandoms, we have a central location that has dedicated people to help also. They managed with the support of the authors, to make a directory for the purpose of being able to find us on WordPress or any other sites we have moved to.

I hope to see you on my site or the other sites I post on. There is an original story I am posting for feedback also, in case any are interested.

Thanks again!

Kittyinaz


	5. Chapter 4

There is a chapter for this story or the sequel up on my site or the other sites I post on: Archive of Our Own, FictionPad, and Better in Texas.

Thank you for all the notes, it means a lot that you support my move.

To reiterate my previous posts on this matter, there are at least five sites that scraped off of Fanfiction, and they got everything. Reviews, profiles, stories, and even PM's. Then they have mirrored Fanfiction so anything we do, add chapters, receive reviews and so on, show up on their sites. And there is very little to let others know they are on the wrong site.

Also, the other sites do have malware and other nasty surprises, as well as if you sign onto them, they now own your password.

This is just too much for me. I work hard on providing a safe and fun environment for my readers on my site. It is hard work, especially for the talented 4padfoot. But they can do all the changes we have to our site as we have to make it safe for our readers to come to the site, read and enjoy.

Their disinterest in doing so with all the other issues here have made this not a fun place to post anymore, with worrying if your work is going to be plagiarized or receive nasty comments for pouring hours into something.

For anyone wanting help on making a WordPress site, I will be more than willing to lend my talents. I am also on Facebook, and there is a support group for authors making a move to write their Fanfiction on their own sites under where they have the complete artistic license where we answer questions anyone has as well as we had put together some tutorials.

Though I will say for the SVM/TB fandoms, we have a central location that has dedicated people to help also. They managed with the support of the authors, to make a directory for the purpose of being able to find us on WordPress or any other sites we have moved to.

I hope to see you on my site or the other sites I post on. There is an original story I am posting for feedback also, in case any are interested.

Thanks again!

Kittyinaz


	6. Chapter 5

There is a chapter for this story or its sequel is up on my site.

Thank you for all the notes, it means a lot that you support my move.

To reiterate, there are at least 5 sites that scraped off of Fanfiction and they got everything. Reviews, profiles, stories, and even PM's. Then they have mirrored Fanfiction so anything we do, add chapters, receive reviews and so on, show up on their sites.

In addition, the other sites do have malware and other nasty surprises, as well as if you sign onto them, they now own your password.

This is just too much for me. I work really hard on providing a safe and fun environment for my readers on my site. It is hard work, especially for the talented 4padfoot. But they can do all the changes we have to our site as we have.

Their disinterest in doing so with all the other issues here have made this not a fun place to post anymore, with worrying if your work is going to plagiarize or receive nasty comments for pouring hours into something.

For anyone wanting help on making a WordPress site, I will be more than willing to lend my talents. I am also on Facebook, and there is a help group for authors making the move to Fanfiction where we answer questions anyone has as well as we had put together some tutorials.

Though I will say for the SVM/TB fandoms, we have a central location that has dedicated people to help also. They managed with the help of the authors, to make a directory for the purpose of being able to find us on WordPress or any other sites we have moved to.

I hope to see you on my site or the other sites (A03, FictionPad, Stars Library. BetterInTexas) I post on. There is an original story I am posting for feedback also, in case any are interested. I am Kittyinaz on all sites.

Thanks again!

Kittyinaz


End file.
